Heartbeat
by Anika O
Summary: She didn't know how or why, but she found herself on her childhood friend's doorstep in the pouring rain, unaware of the living heart beating in her chest. Sayaka/Kyousuke. Could be seen as either platonic or romantic.


**A/N: Something I wrote a little over a month ago, decided to post it now. Not the best, but there should definitely be more for this pairing. I still mostly ship Sayaka with Kyouko, but this is definitely adorable and underrated.**  
**Recommended listening: Conturbatio Decretum**

It was pouring rain out, and Sayaka was standing outside of Kyousuke Kamijou's door. She raised her hand up to knock, but couldn't bring herself to. She didn't think this through at all. It was a split second decision during one of her breakdowns; she just went running, and soon found herself here. She glanced down at her blue soul gem, which seemed to grow muddier and muddier each time she looked at it. She needed a grief seed soon, but she just couldn't. After all, she was worth nothing, wasn't she? Her stupid wish doomed her, and now she had to suffer her fate. Her only purpose in life was to fight witches, right? And though her wish had been granted, she didn't get the outcome she wanted. Mami had been right; she made the wish so Kyousuke would be thankful for her, not just because she truly cared about his well-being. Oh, what a stupid mistake that was. Now he was with Hitomi, and Sayaka had blown her chance to stop that, too. After all, who would ever want to be with her? She was just a soulless body. Her soul was trapped in that wretched thing called a soul gem. She was practically dead already. She didn't care if she died.

Yet there she was, outside his door. This was a terrible idea, she knew. But slowly, ever so slowly, she brought her hand up and rang the doorbell. No one was home except Kyousuke, she could tell. Normally she could hear his family in the house, wandering about. But it was just quiet now, other than the sound of Kyousuke's violin. Sayaka immediately felt guilty about interrupting the beautiful music.

"Sayaka?" Kyousuke asked in surprise when he opened the door and saw the blue-haired girl standing there, soaking wet. "What are you doing here?"

"I-" Sayaka muttered, but couldn't say anything else, and continued staring at the ground, shivering.

"Come in, you're going to catch a cold!" Kyousuke grabbed her hand and pulled her in, shutting the door behind them. He led them to the living room, sitting her down on the couch. Sayaka was silent the whole time, her face still hidden to the best of her ability.

"Why are you here?" Kyousuke asked. But instead of the sharp, cold tone that Sayaka expected, his voice was soft and welcoming. She could hear the concern. It just made her urge to break down sobbing that much harder to ignore.

"I just…" she tried speaking. "I just had to see you."

"Are you okay?" He wrapped a blanket around her and rubbed her back. Sayaka liked the sensation, but hated it all the same.

She simply shook her head, just barely enough to be noticeable. But Kyousuke definitely noticed.

"What's wrong?"

Sayaka laughed darkly. "You'd never believe me."

Kyousuke took note of the fact that Sayaka wouldn't look at him. He placed his hand under her chin, bringing her face up to look at his. "Tell me, please."

That was Sayaka's breaking point. She burst into tears, throwing her arms around the boy and nuzzling her face where his neck and shoulder met, sobs wracking her body. She expected him to push her away, but he simply wrapped his arms around her and continued rubbing her back in comforting circles.

"I'm sorry," Sayaka sobbed. "I'm so, so sorry-"

"What are you sorry about?"

She knew this was a terrible idea. Would he even believe her? Think she was crazy? Was it against some rule to tell normal people about this? She made another fast decision, though, pulling away and trying to calm her sobs. She took out her soul gem, staring at it.

Kyousuke noticed it immediately, of course. "Wha-what is that?"

"It's me," Sayaka said simply.

"What do you mean?"

Sayaka sighed. It was time to spill. She knew she was going to regret this. "You know how your hand magically healed? Well, that was…because of me. I did that." She saw the confused look on his face and smiled sadly. "I made a contract. In short, a creature named Kyuubey contacted me, saying that he could grant me any wish I wanted. So, I wished for your hand to be healed. In return, I had to become…a magical girl." She didn't dare turn to see Kyousuke's expression, as she was sure he would be looking at her like she was crazy. "We have to fight witches, evil things that suck the life out of innocent humans. So when Kyuubey made the offer, I just thought, why not? I could be helping and saving people, and I could also…heal your hand for you." That was when she turned to face him, but was surprised by how he was reacting. He was confused, for sure, but still seemed to believe her.

Sayaka closed her eyes and took her soul gem and lifted it up to her chest. She felt her outfit change into the one she wore whilst fighting witches. She opened her eyes, and Kyousuke's were wide in shock.

"See what I mean?" Sayaka said. "I'm not kidding, or crazy. I'm telling the truth."

He nodded. "But…why are you telling me this?"

"Because I just couldn't keep it to myself any longer!" Sayaka raised her voice slightly, but then regained her composure. "The thing is, I thought I made my wish to heal your hand just for your good, and your good only. But I guess that wasn't it, because I started to feel…" She paused for a moment, searching for the right way to word it. "I don't know. I guess I really just made the wish so you'd be grateful to me…" She felt a tear flow down her cheek. "Maybe even fall in love with me. But I was so wrong. Because you didn't know that it was me, and then Hitomi…"

"Sayaka…" he muttered, standing up and walking over to her. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

The tears were flowing freely now and she faced away from him. "Because I made stupid decisions! You don't even deserve me. You and Hitomi are happy together, and I just wasted my life on something stupid!" She sniffled. "I'm happy your hand is healed, believe me, I am. But I lost everything I was ever worth, and now all I can ever do is fight witches." She paused for a moment. "Hitomi even gave me a chance to tell you about my feelings before she confessed to you, but I didn't!"

"Why didn't you?"

"Because of this!" She spun around, showing him her murky soul gem and the tears flowing down her cheeks. "When I made the contract, my soul and entire being was ripped away from me and put into this!" She began sobbing again. "All I really am is an empty body. I'm already dead already, and no one would care if I truly died!"

He immediately embraced her. "Sayaka, don't talk like that." He frantically tried to calm her down. "Sayaka please, it's okay…"

"No it's not," Sayaka continued, trying to choke back her sobs and whimpers but failing. "I'm just an empty body, there's no soul or being left in me. I can't ask you to hold me, or kiss me, or touch me, not with this body! All I am is a walking corpse…"

"No," Kyousuke responded. "No, you're not." He pulled away slightly, and took Sayaka's hand in his own. He led her hand up to where her heart was. "Do you feel that? It's a heartbeat. It means you're alive." He smiled. "Very much alive. You're not dead." He wiped her lingering tears away. "Please, don't think like that."

She sniffled again and returned to his tight embrace, still crying. But this time, it was from happiness.

"But what about Hitomi?" Sayaka asked.

"I like her, a lot," Kyousuke answered, "but I love you more."

"I don't want you to hurt her. Please."

"Then I won't," he said. "Not for now."

Sayaka nodded and pulled away, her crying finally slowing down. "Why did you believe me so easily, though?" she asked. "Why are you so willing to forgive me and-"

"Because you're you," Kyousuke said, smiling. "You're my closest friend, Sayaka. I can tell when you're being sincere, and I just have to forgive you."

She smiled back. "Thank you."

When she left, that thought still lingered in her head. It stuck with her, no matter how much her soul gem filled up and was cleaned again with grief seeds. No matter where she was, how many witches she fought. Whenever she was filled with despair, she just remembered that one thing. Her heartbeat. Her heartbeat that told her that she was still alive.


End file.
